used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
