Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
