Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
