Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
