i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
