the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
