I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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