Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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