so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He shit in the fireplace
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
