No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
