to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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