friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
