Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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