I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
