Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
