There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize