Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
