Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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