I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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