My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
