I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize