and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
