May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
