On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
