there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
