I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
