Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had sex on a roof
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
