it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
