I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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