Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
