we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
