I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
