Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dick very happy bro
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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