Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
