but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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