did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
