Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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