I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
