Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
