I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
