Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
