I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
