I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
