i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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