Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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