I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
