If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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