I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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