I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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