I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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