your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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