I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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