just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
