1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
