Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
