your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
