just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
