They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
