is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
