Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize