i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
