If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
