Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize