Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
