butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
