I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
