Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
