We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
