I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
